Wednesday, August 15, 2012

STILL NO POOP

Day five and still no poop from Perfect Pup.  AND she's just a tad bit spoiled from all the near death attention she's had for the last week.  Normal behavior for her is to jump up and run to the door when she has to water and/or fertilize the lawn.  I'm on permanent potty patrol since Teenage Girl decided PP is too big to fit in a purse therefore not near as cute as her future pup will be and has since unclaimed her as her property.  How does that work exactly?  I'd like to do an "unclaim" (or two) of my own.

I'm on high alert for poop n scoop and ready to run to the door at the hint of a squat and since it's fairly likely it could be of the runny-messy variety CODE ORANGE is in effect until further notice.

SO:

7-11am  Going out every half hour.

11-2pm  Running and dancing her way to the door every 20 minutes.

2:15pm  I notice she is very interested in one particular spot near the road.

2:22pm  Needs to go out again, runs straight to "the spot".

2:32pm  Can't wait any longer to get out the door, runs straight to THE SPOT, this time I follow . . . Crap! Dead bird . . . get a paper towel and pick up dead bird and throw it across the road.

2:40  Wants to go out again and since she didn't go pee the last two times she was out, I take her.  Dashes straight to The Spot.  NO BIRD, runs ACROSS THE ROAD, damn I'm brilliant! I run after her and pick her up, take her inside and get another paper towel, go back out by myself and take the damn freaking dead bird to the trash can this time.

3:04pm  Realizing she still hasn't peed now for over an hour so out we go AGAIN!  PEES AND RUNS ACROSS THE ROAD AND SNIFFS THE SPOT until I fetch her and take her back inside.

3:10  If I don't look at you, I can't hear you whine.

3:17  Dancing doesn't get me running to the door either.

3:25  Uh nope.

3:38 EMERGENCY this could be IT, she has to get outside NOW!!  BOLTS across the street, buries her nose and comes up with gravel and a stray bit of feather fuzz sticking to it before I can drag her back to the yard.   Pulling a shovel out of the back of my truck I head across the road and scoop out the dirt the damn freaking bird touched and carry it to the trash can.  In the meantime not so Perfect Pup is right back to the ORIGINAL SPOT the dead bird started out at.  SO I DIG A SWIMMING POOL WHERE THE DEAD BIRD MORE THEN LIKELY DREW IT'S LAST BREATH AND FED MULTITUDES OF ANTS AND OTHER CARCASS EATING BUGS AND TOSSED EVERY LAST BIT INTO THE TRASH CAN!!!!

.............................LIKE A BOSS!!!!!!!.........................

oh yea . . . at about 4pm the teenagers yelled "MMMOOOOMMM THE DOG JUST POOPED IN THE HALLWAY"!!!!!

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